Dog of Peace and Tranquility.

Ever come across a dog of peace and tranquility.

This is a unique dog. He does not live by tooth or fang. He respects the right of cats to be cats although he doesn't admire them. He turns his steps rather than disturb an earnest caterpillar. His greatest fear is that someone will point out a rabbit and suggest that he chase it. This is a dog of peace and tranquility.

Dog, Man's Best Friend

A man and his dog were walking along a road...
The man was enjoying the walk, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead...
He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead also. He wondered where the road was leading them...


After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold...
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir",

The man answered..."Wow! Would you happen to have some water?", the man asked...
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up. The man gestured, and the gate began to open...
"Can my friend, gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveller asked...
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going...

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book...

"Excuse me!", he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."
"How about my friend here?" The traveller gestured to the dog...
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside
it. The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog...
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them...

"What do you call this place?" The traveller asked...
"This is Heaven", was the answer...
"Well, that's confusing", the traveller said ."The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Does Your Dog Bite

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old feller in overalls was sitting next on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.''

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, in pain he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' The old man muttered, ''Yap, but this ain't my dog.''

Let Sleeping Dogs lie

I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me,
sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:

"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. "

The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with 9 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

Carefree Easy Dog's Life

Dog's Life

Why it’s nice to be a dog…

No one expects you to take a bath every day.

Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.

When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.

You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.

You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap

Having big feet is considered an asset.

If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.

No matter where you live, you own the place.

Your mate never complains because you whine.

Puppy love can last.

Are You Thinking As A Dog Or Cat

How Dogs & Cats Think.

A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

Dog Prize

A little boy took his dog on a "take your pet to school" day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.

Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, "Maxy, how much is two plus two minus four?" The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. "Right!"
exclaimed the boy. His dog won first prize.

Dog Rewarding

A blind man with his seeing eye dog are walking down a busy street in town. The man comes to a cross walk to get to the other side of the busy street.

The seeing eye dog proceeds to lead his master across the street in rush hour traffic. Cars are honking horns, screeching their brakes to avoid hitting the man and dog. The man finally makes it across the street, unbelievably safe and sound.

The blind man reaches in his pocket for a dog biscuit. One man that witnessed this walked up to the blind man and said "Mister, I just saw that dog of yours take you across rush hour traffic, almost getting you killed and you are rewarding him?! The blind man said "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to see which end is his head so I can kick him hard in the behind!"

Dogs To Change A Light Bulb

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that damned stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover...

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

German Shepherd: All right, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?

The Origin of Dogs Cats

How Man Came To Live With Cats And Dogs.

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog wagged his tail.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

Lovely Puppy

For months Bill had been Joan`s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question."There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being.

A being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one`s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one`s joys and sorrows."To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Joan`s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it`s a wonderful idea!Can I help you pick out a lovely puppy?"

A Clergyman, A Dog & A Lie.

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked,

"What are you doing with that dog?"One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we`ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep thedog.

"The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn`t be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don`t you boys know it`s a sin to tell a lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he`d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Creative Dogs

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That`s not good enough."The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That`s not creative enough."Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." Guess who went with the Collie beauty?

Piano Dog Player

A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR WITH A SMALL DOG. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"

The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"


The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house and let the dog music begin!"


So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Everything from Ragtime to Mozart, and the bartender and patrons are really enjoying the music.


Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.


The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"


The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

Dog Music

Little Stevie was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Stevie's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For goodness sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

Rollo The Dog

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo the dog while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing on the 4oth floor. A moment later Paul's date walked out to where Paul was.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she stated.

"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

New Dog.

When I got my new dog.

I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats.

I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing.

I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud;
I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.

I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
I was given a clown that I might laugh

I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.

I got nothing I asked for,
But everything that I needed.
I got a new dog.

Puppy Pie

How to Make a Puppy Pie

Take one puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the following ingredients:

1 cup of patience
1 cup of understanding
1 pinch of correction
1 cup of hard work
2 cups of praise
1 1/2 cups of fun

Blend well.

Heat with warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size.

Mix with owner until consistency is such that owner and puppy are one.

Enjoy!

The Flying Dog

Shopping For A Dog.
A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

"Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"

Dog Movie

A woman went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, the woman decided to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most amazing strange thing I've seen," the woman said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to the woman and said, "Yeah, it is strange. He hated the book."