Rollo The Dog

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo the dog while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing on the 4oth floor. A moment later Paul's date walked out to where Paul was.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she stated.

"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

New Dog.

When I got my new dog.

I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats.

I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing.

I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud;
I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.

I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
I was given a clown that I might laugh

I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.

I got nothing I asked for,
But everything that I needed.
I got a new dog.

Puppy Pie

How to Make a Puppy Pie

Take one puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the following ingredients:

1 cup of patience
1 cup of understanding
1 pinch of correction
1 cup of hard work
2 cups of praise
1 1/2 cups of fun

Blend well.

Heat with warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size.

Mix with owner until consistency is such that owner and puppy are one.

Enjoy!

The Flying Dog

Shopping For A Dog.
A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

"Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"

Dog Movie

A woman went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, the woman decided to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most amazing strange thing I've seen," the woman said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to the woman and said, "Yeah, it is strange. He hated the book."

Lawyer's Dog

The Lawyer's Dog- Watch Out.
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $12.00. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $12.00. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds an invoice from the lawyer, demanding $120.00 for a consultation fee.

If You Can

What if you can.

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can find great happiness in the simplest things in life,

If you can forgive any action in the blink of an eye,

...then, you are almost as good as your dog.