Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Does Your Dog Bite

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old feller in overalls was sitting next on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.''

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, in pain he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' The old man muttered, ''Yap, but this ain't my dog.''

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Let Sleeping Dogs lie

I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me,
sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:

"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. "

The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with 9 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Carefree Easy Dog's Life

Dog's Life

Why it’s nice to be a dog…

No one expects you to take a bath every day.

Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.

When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.

You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.

You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap

Having big feet is considered an asset.

If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.

No matter where you live, you own the place.

Your mate never complains because you whine.

Puppy love can last.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Are You Thinking As A Dog Or Cat

How Dogs & Cats Think.

A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Dog Prize

A little boy took his dog on a "take your pet to school" day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.

Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, "Maxy, how much is two plus two minus four?" The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. "Right!"
exclaimed the boy. His dog won first prize.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Dog Rewarding

A blind man with his seeing eye dog are walking down a busy street in town. The man comes to a cross walk to get to the other side of the busy street.

The seeing eye dog proceeds to lead his master across the street in rush hour traffic. Cars are honking horns, screeching their brakes to avoid hitting the man and dog. The man finally makes it across the street, unbelievably safe and sound.

The blind man reaches in his pocket for a dog biscuit. One man that witnessed this walked up to the blind man and said "Mister, I just saw that dog of yours take you across rush hour traffic, almost getting you killed and you are rewarding him?! The blind man said "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to see which end is his head so I can kick him hard in the behind!"